It's 3:55am, do you know where your sock is?

See if you can picture this in your mind and follow along...  It's 3:55AM, a dark bedroom, sitting on the side of the bed, no glasses yet, gotta pee, very cold floor in an old house.  With me so far?  Good. 

I grab my pants from the end of the bed and slide into them, ah, a little warmer.  I walk across the cold, dark, bedroom floor to my closet and grab a pair of socks off the man shelf and hobble back to the bed sitting down as gently as possible so as not to awaken my sleeping redhead.  I cross my legs, grab a sock and slide it on my right foot.  Man, do I have to pee!  I grab my other sock and cross my other leg and slide it on my left - WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!  Something ain't right here. 

Did I just miss my foot entirely while trying to put my sock on cause the sock is still in my hand, and my foot is now on the cold floor.  And I still gotta pee... really bad. 

OK, let's give this another try.  Nope, missed again.  What the hell?  It's dark, it's cold, I don't have my glasses on, AND I GOTTA PEE!  This sock has got to go on my foot before I turn into a home fire suppression system and hose down the residence. 

One more time!  No matter what I do, or how I try to wiggle my foot into that damn sock, it just simply won't go on my damn foot,  I give up, and with sock in hand, hobble, limp, slide my way into the bathroom across the cold slippery hardwood floor, and with a big smile of relief, affix myself to the porcelain throne. 

With what could best be described as the background sound effects for the movie "Niagara - The Falls" echoing through the room, I flip the light on to look this bastard of a sock in the eye.  There are but a small number of things in this life that I have admitted defeat to, and this rogue sock from Satan has indeed beaten me and I will not rest until I look it in the eye. 

There's a lot to be said for glasses, and a lot to be said for proper lighting, but there's only one thing to be said about a person who just spent the last 30 minutes of their life trying to put a FABRIC SOFTENER SHEET on their foot!  STU-PID!  Here's to hoping YOU have a sweet smelling and static free left foot like me today as well.  STU-PID!  STU-PID!  STU-PID!